Masters of Going Nowhere
by AznSage
Summary: SasuNaru. As the smartest and most observant girl in the village, Haruno Sakura will not stand idly by as two of her closest friends dance around each other. No, she's going to play matchmaker, whether they like it or not.
1. Part I

Title: Masters of Going Nowhere  
Author: AznSage   
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.   
Pairings: Naruto/Sasuke (Probably in that order. Actually, I don't know.), minor pairings--i.e. Lee/Sakura, Shikamaru/Ino.  
Rating: PG-13   
Note: I need a crack outlet. And this is it. Of course, once I get crack out of my system, it means I can work on serious things (like those Saiyuki fics that've been sitting on my harddrive, waiting to be checked over...) But yes, this is pure crack. After all, how often do I write mutli-chaptered romantic comedies? Really now. Not Sakura-centric POV, though it may seem like that in the first chapter.  
  
Sakura had liked him for many years. Too many years to even remember, actually. Well, alright, seven years or so. She was very good at remembering details like this. Of course, because of this keen insight of hers, she began to notice them. Those light touches, those synchronized movements, those few sentences that they finished together. Little things like that from him.  
  
Oh, and if you thought she meant Sasuke and her, how very wrong you are.  
  
She had been watching him for so long that she had even gotten his schedule down pat. Well, except the parts that required breaking and entering. Or stalking. She hadn't been _that_ crazy about him. Well, it had lessened over the years. And when she had been young enough to want to do that, she hadn't had the skill to. Sigh. Such is life.  
  
But yes, back to the point. She had noticed slight changes of late. Actually, she had noticed them for a while, but it didn't really register as important. According to her Sasuke-watching notes, he had grown more and more fond of instant foods and cute fluffy animals. He lacked the stiffness he used to in social situations and, while still a loner at best, he occasionally contributed to the conversation.  
  
Though, those weren't the important parts. The important part was that Sasuke would exhibit these habits most often when around only one other person.

Who, of course, was now her _other_ subject of amusement.  
  
One Uzumaki Naruto.  
  
She had grown out of her silly childhood crush for Sasuke, but she had never said anything about having done so to anyone. The less she said, the more it meant she was allowed to watch him and not have it questioned. Much, anyway. And even if she spied on Naruto when they were around each other, he was too loud and overbearing to notice her watching him from the corner of her eye. She wasn't the smartest girl in the village for nothing.  
  
All in all, it had been easy to draw her conclusion.  
  
So, what did Haruno Sakura learn after years of careful watching and deduction?  
  
Why, that Sasuke liked Naruto. And that Naruto liked Sasuke.  
  
When she first realized it, she had felt no shock. It was the obvious choice to make really. Sasuke had never been one to care for females, so perhaps at a younger age he had already given his heart to someone. "Yes, yes." she had said. But why Naruto? Of course, with no actual answer, her mind's "Just because" made plenty of sense at the moment.  
  
But Sakura was not one to sit idly by while two of her closest friends were dancing around each other. She had noted their behaviors well enough, and lo and behold, it was true enough that they exhibited classic signs of males holding unresolved sexual tension for each other.  
  
Yes, this would be difficult, getting them to finally admit it to one another, but she would accept any challenge. Nothing could stop her!  
  
And, if her notes were as accurate as her guessing, she suspected that several others had attempted to get the two together, though to no avail. (Though, she suspected that Shikamaru had failed for lack of enthusiasm rather than lack of ingenuity.)  
  
"Oi, Sakura-chan!" Ah, and there was Naruto now, still calling her by that familiar childhood name that had never lost its affectionate tone.  
  
"Good morning, Naruto." She smiled in a friendly way at him, her mind frantically taking in all the data it possibly could.  
  
Why? Because this morning seemed…different. Naruto did not smell the same. He still wore clothes that he had worn last night. He looked very much so rumpled. And, if she wasn't seeing things (which she wasn't), there was a purple bruise on his right cheek and a large handprint on the left.  
  
Oh yes, and he was walking with a limp.  
  
Before she could further analyze though, the other half of our wily pair had shown up and grunted in greeting.  
  
Wait…no…he did not just grunt in greeting, he had actually said "Good morning." And he too had a similar bruise on his right cheek and did not look very well-rested at all.  
  
Now _that_ was different.  
  
So she just had to open her mouth to ask.  
  
"Um…Naruto, Sasuke-kun, why on Earth do the two of you look like you just came out of a hole in the ground?" She sniffed a bit in the air. "And why do both of you _smell_ like you just came out of a hole in the ground?"  
  
Naruto grinned at her while Sasuke just glared angrily at the question. "Ah, Sakura-chan, it's complicated. But it involved goose shit, women, and alcohol."  
  
"Lots and lots of alcohol." Sasuke supplied helpfully.  
  
"Yes. And a ditch. But that was an accident."  
  
Sakura really didn't know how to respond to that. But hey, at least they were still spending time with each other besides just sparring.  
  
"Er…shall we go get breakfast then? And perhaps a bath for the two of you?" She held her nose and waved her hand at them for emphasis.  
  
"Sure, but we have to stop by the now utterly demolished Uchiha mansion first. Sasuke…"  
  
"No, _you_."  
  
"Alright fine, I," said Naruto sarcastically. "Had a hand in _helping_…"  
  
"Oi! How was that helping?!"  
  
"Well, damnit, I really was trying to help but then that girl…"  
  
"I call it havoc is what it was!"  
  
"Damnit, Sasuke, it was _not_…"  
  
"If you don't count destroying a good part of my house havoc, I don't know what is!"  
  
And so it continued, on and on. Along with the finger pointing, the shirt grabbing, the one-upping, and the teeth-gritting.  
  
Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, they had actually arrived at said Uchiha mansion and Sakura just gaped.

"What in the name of all that is good happened here?"  
  
"It was Naruto's fault." sulked Sasuke.  
  
"It was his fault too." The two glared at each other, ready to start another argument, when Sakura waved a hand between the two to get their attention.  
  
"So where will Sasuke-kun be staying?"  
  
"Well, he stayed at my place yesterday night because I was the only around who kuso baba could assign something to on such short notice. Though, if you think about it, there are plenty of girls around who would love to have him…"  
  
"Ugh, don't even go there. I wouldn't make it out with any of my belongings. In an hour."  
  
Sakura nodded. "Is that why you guys have bruises on your face?"  
  
Naruto rubbed his bruise emphatically. "Hell no! This was because Sasuke was an idiot and insulted that woman! Damnit, she packed a punch!"  
  
"Naruto, that was Ino and you were trying to hit on her. And the one who punched you was Shikamaru, not her."  
  
"Oh, then Sasuke-kun, what about your bruise?"  
  
"That was when the idiot missed."  
  
"I did not miss! You just got in the way!"  
  
"How is standing still getting in the way?!"  
  
Sakura sweatdropped and tried to distract them. "Ah…so what about that slap on the cheek on Naruto's face?"  
  
Both boys froze at that.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Naruto tried to hit on an inappropriate person."  
  
Naruto just walked ahead of the two without another word.  
  
"So I'm assuming we have to go to Hokage-sama to get word on where you'll be staying, Sasuke-kun?"  
  
"Yes, but it'll only be temporary. She's trying to find an apartment for me somewhere closer anyway since it's kinda annoying for me to be so far removed from the central area of activity when I'm a key part of Konoha's protection."  
  
"Oh blah blah blah, Sasuke. She just doesn't want you to be holed up somewhere brooding by yourself."  
  
Sasuke's vein throbbed and once again, the arguing began.  
  
Sakura sighed, it couldn't be helped. They were idiots. Idiots that really liked each other, but still, idiots.  
  
Which was exactly why she really hoped Hokage-sama was just as insightful as her (or even more so!) and somewhat helped in getting the two of them together. Besides, it wasn't like there was anything else to do. Perhaps she would feel like playing matchmaker. Damn straight that Sakura was up to it.  
  
End Part I  
  
Right. It seems really stupid and pointless now, but damnit, I actually have random stupidity lined up for the two of them. I just don't wanna fit that much in a chapter. Really, I'm not kidding.


	2. Part II

Title: Masters of Going Nowhere  
Author: AznSage   
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.   
Pairings: Naruto/Sasuke (Probably in that order. Actually, I don't know.), minor pairings--i.e. Lee/Sakura, Shikamaru/Ino.  
Rating: PG-13   
Note: Everything that was mentioned will eventually be explained. When it comes up as a topic of conversation perhaps. I'm trying to get more people at least mentioned first in here and sort of moving the "plot" along. Ha, plot, like I have that here. And keep in mind everyone is now older and allowed to act OOC because I believe that eventually, most of them will have the stick out of their asses. Or into their asses, but a different kind of stick sweatdrop Oh, and even if this takes into account the current manga arc, let's just say Sasuke lightened up somewhat because he remembers the value of comradery. =P  
  
When the trio had arrived at Hokage-sama's office, there was no one there. As a matter of fact, the lights were out and the three of them didn't see a single soul even wandering around here. Normally, the place would be full of activity, with people mumbling back and forth about the be-all end-all that is paperwork.  
  
But today was different. No lights. No people. And…was that dry ice smoke they saw?  
  
"Who dares intrude on my domain?" an eerie voice floated around them. Was it an enemy? Or…something far worse? They all began to get their hands at the ready for an attack in the most important building of the village. Perhaps it was an…oh no!...assassination!  
  
At the sound of cloth scraping against the floor, all three of them threw a kunai towards their attacker trying to creep up on them.  
  
"Aw shit! You broke my megaphone!"  
  
"Hokage-sama?"  
  
"Eh? Sakura? Throw the light switch would you, it's on your left." Sakura nodded and did as she was told.  
  
And then the most surprising thing happened. Both boys screamed like the Furies were tearing them apart.  
  
"My eyes!"  
  
"Oh the horror!"  
  
"Aw shit. I forgot to get into my younger body this morning." And with a few hand seals, the Tsunade that we are all familiar with appeared in front of them.  
  
Sakura just blinked at the two on the floor. They were still writhing and trying to tear their own eyes out. "Er…Hokage-sama, what should we do with them?"  
  
"Wimps. Don't act like you've never seen an old woman before. And I still haven't accounted the fact that you broke my megaphone!" She pointed emphatically at the "megaphone" that was now stuck to the wall thanks to Naruto's kunai.  
  
"Kuso baba, it's only a piece of paper!"  
  
"Yeah, well, it's still my megaphone!"

The two growled at each other before Sasuke so kindly reminded them why they were really here.  
  
"Oh right, Sasuke. We have a bit of a shortage on housing, but we're getting someone to clear out some of the older places that are no longer occupied. But for now, you have one of three options!"  
  
Sasuke was leery of these options though. This was Tsunade after all. She was probably on the same level of weirdness as Naruto. To be honest, Sasuke did not like options.  
  
"Right, since it's pretty much impossible that you have enough money to fork over for repairs of the Uchiha mansion, we have decided that you can choose who you stay with. Now, these people have all kindly volunteered, so do take that into consideration. Your first option is with Rock Lee. Your second is with Naruto…"  
  
"Oi! I didn't volunteer!"  
  
"Shut up, brat. I said you volunteered so you volunteered."  
  
"Oh yeah?! Wanna make something out of it?!"  
  
"Yeah! Come on let's go!" The two shot sparks of electricity at each other.  
  
"So what's the third choice?"  
  
"Oh right, Sasuke, you're still here."  
  
Sasuke growled at her in annoyance.  
  
She coughed lightly to try and get back to the point. "Right, so your third option is staying with me. And I must warn you, I do not walk around my own home in my younger body."  
  
Sasuke almost fainted from just the thought of _that_ again. And staying with Naruto was Not An Option. So Lee it must be.  
  
"I'll stay with Rock Lee."  
  
"Great then it's settled! I'll send someone to contact Lee right away. Do you have any belongings at all though? I heard your place got trashed pretty bad." She laughed at him teasingly, which resulted in Sasuke just growling at her some more.  
  
The three left the office, towing Sasuke away from Tsunade, who just continued to taunt him. Sakura inwardly sighed in disappointment. She was hoping that Hokage-sama would just toss the very obvious two into an apartment instead of actually being _fair_ and letting people volunteer to house Sasuke. But it was okay. Sakura knew that some greater power must be at work here and would make things right in the end.  
  
Or at least, it was giving her some pretty good opportunities to put the two of them together.  
  
"Uh…Sakura."  
  
"Hm? What is it Sasuke-kun?"  
  
"I…er…actually don't know where Lee lives." The other two with him just stared.  
  
"Sasuke! We've been friends with Lee for _how_ long now? And you _still_ don't know where he lives? Pfft, I guess you can't expect someone as anti-social as you are to know these kinds of things!"  
  
"Oi! I'm not anti-social! I know where Sakura, Kakashi-sensei, and you live!"  
  
"Oh woooow Sasuke. That's soooo great." Naruto said sarcastically.  
  
"Damnit! I know how to get to your place blindfolded and in my sleep!"  
  
Sakura just stared at Sasuke after he said that. "Is that so, Sasuke-kun?" She tried to sound as normal as possible, but it was pretty obvious that she had that evil devious fangirl voice. You know, the one you get when you plot to throw two boys together.  
  
Naruto was just speechless. So, instead, he opted for the "oh look shiny thing!" option. In other words, he pointed in another random direction to hope for a distraction to exist.  
  
"Oh look! It's a bird!" The other two shinobi sweatdropped at his efforts.  
  
And look, there was the tumbleweed to mark the awkward silence!  
  
Of course, then it was Lee to the rescue! "Oi! Sakura-san! Naruto-kun! Sasuke-kun!"  
  
"Lee-kun! Ah, we were just looking for you!"  
  
"Sasuke's gonna be staying with you, fuzzy eyebrows!"  
  
"Ah! Is that so! Then I must persevere to be a good host! Come, Sasuke-kun! We must go forth and make your room as comfortable for you as possible!"  
  
"No, Lee, that's okay, I don't really need any…"  
  
"No! You are a guest in my home, I must ensure that everything is as you like it! Come forth, Sasuke-kun!" With that, Lee grabbed Sasuke's hand and started to drag him away.  
  
"Oi! Wait! Damnit, Lee!" Sasuke was literally being dragged on the ground and could barely even get a chance to get up.  
  
"Sakura-chan, don't you think that Lee's being a bit too…enthusiastic?"  
  
"Nah, he's just excited that Sasuke-kun chose him."  
  
"Sasuke will be dead in about an hour."  
  
"Nah. He'll just run away whenever he realizes that he has no clothes and has to borrow Lee-kun's."  
  
"Wanna bet on it?"  
  
"You're on. The regular bet?"  
  
"Sure." And they shook on it, Sakura trying to look as normal as possible and not cackling like an evil witch.  
  
Back at Lee's, Sasuke had seen that it was quite obvious the boy liked green. The apartment was being shared with Neji, the two having decided to room together after realizing it was quite expensive to try and live by yourself on what they made. Besides, it wasn't like the Branch House members had that much money to throw at Neji's decision to move away.  
  
"Sasuke-kun, you should probably take a shower. It's very humid today and I think your morning sparring with Naruto-kun has made you sweat a bit more than expected."  
  
Sasuke nodded at Lee's suggestion and follow Lee's instructions to the bathroom, where there was already a towel awaiting his use.  
  
Unfortunately for Sasuke, he had forgotten about a change of clothes. So when he stepped out of the shower with a towel, he proceeded to go and ask Lee for some clothes.  
  
But of course, all Lee only had those green jumpsuits. Complete with orange leg warmers and all.  
  
Sasuke almost fainted at the suggestion of having to step out in public in those. But there was no way he could wear his clothes from yesterday night. It still smelled like the ditch. And the goose shit.  
  
"Er, not to sound ungrateful or anything, but could I ask Neji for some clothes? They're more…" He searched for the appropriate word. One could not say "normal" after all to one's host. "…my style." Yes, perhaps that would not insult the sensitive Lee.  
  
"Oh, but Sasuke-kun, this is spandex! It'd look great on you! Gai-sensei even gave me one in dark blue to give to you!" He rushed off to get it and showed it to the now very scared Sasuke. "Here, let me help you into it!"  
  
Sasuke scrambled back against the wall. "Ah, no that's okay Lee, I'll just go ask Neji myself."  
  
But of course, the white-eyed shinobi was being uncooperative. To be honest, he just wanted to see how Sasuke would look like in the ridiculous jumpsuit. And perhaps how Naruto would react to it too.

"Damnit, Neji! I've never asked anything of you but just this once, give me some clothes! I am NOT wearing that…that…THING!" He waved frantically and kept the last part as low as possible in hopes of not insulting Lee. Yes, Sasuke actually cared about that kind of thing. Somewhat.  
  
"No."  
  
"Damnit! Neji! Come on!"  
  
Neji seemed to contemplate this for a moment before reaching his decision. "How about if we switch patrol times? It's usually very inconvenient for me to get up so early…"  
  
"Fine! Anything! I'll do it!"  
  
"Alright then. No take backs alright?" Sasuke nodded. "Okay then, here you go." Neji handed him a pair of his shorts and one of his old shirts. "It's all that I can spare. I'm not rich like you are, you know."  
  
"Shut up, Neji." Sasuke grabbed the clothes and began to walk back to the bathroom to change.  
  
"Oh, and before I forget to mention, my patrol times are all with Naruto. I'm sure you'll have _so_ much fun with him." He slammed his door shut and just hummed lightly at the banging on his door. Oh, how fun it was to torture Sasuke.  
  
Eventually, Sasuke gave up and just went to change. That and the fact that he finally realized he was being even more obvious than normal.  
  
Unfortunately for Sasuke (Again. Boy, this really isn't his day), he found out the clothes were a little too small. Okay, more than a little. And therefore, a bit tight. He couldn't walk very comfortably. And he couldn't really breathe. But mind you, he was Uchiha Sasuke and he could do the impossible!  
  
Okay, sorta. Because the next moment, he found himself looking for more comfortable clothes elsewhere. Preferably not in public dressed a bit like Neji.  
  
So who lived the closest to Lee? Hm…Sakura did, but he doubted she would have clothes for a boy. He did not want to wear anything that had even the most remote possibilities of being girly. No, he didn't. He _was_ Uchiha Sasuke after all.  
  
So who was next? Oh! Naruto! Ohhhh. Naruto…  
  
"What's up, Sasuke-bastard? Why are you saying my name like that?" Sasuke jumped. Apparently, he had been absentmindedly walking towards Naruto's apartment this whole time too. And saying Naruto's name. He hoped it didn't come out too weirdly. Or that Naruto hadn't noticed.  
  
"I need your help." he ground out. Obviously, this was very hard for him.  
  
"Ha! What _kind_ of help?" Naruto replied leerily at him. "And why are you wearing Neji's clothes?" Naruto pouted cutely at that. Wait…why was he pouting at that again? Argh! Don't be jealous!  
  
"That's not the question to ask!" He had heard enough of it from people he had passed by while trying to walk here. "This is exactly what I need help with." He pointed at the clothing, showing Naruto exactly how it was too small for him. And in the process, grabbing various parts of the clothing to show Naruto that it clung to him too much because of the size.  
  
Naruto almost fainted from a nosebleed when Sasuke tried to show him that his pants were on too small and too tight.  
  
"Naruto! What's wrong?"  
  
"Ah…nothing, just come in." He closed the door behind him and opened his closet. "These are all my clothes. They'll probably fit you since I'm a little taller than you." He winked at Sasuke at that.  
  
"Oh shut up." He quickly grabbed the darkest shirt from the closet and the whitest shorts and proceeded to change right then and there.  
  
Naruto almost fainted from the nosebleed again.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Ah, nothing, nothing."

And Sasuke continued to change, completely oblivious. Oh how Naruto wished he had a camera. Or two. Or three or four.  
  
"I think I'm going to go out and buy some new clothes. Do you care if you get these back?"  
  
"YES!" Naruto coughed. He hoped he didn't sound too eager. "I mean, yeah, sure, you know, whatever."  
  
"Riiiiight. See ya later, I'll bring your clothes back eventually."  
  
Naruto just tried to contain the pervert within from laughing. Or having another nosebleed. Whichever came first really. He just clamped one hand over a mouth and waved goodbye to Sasuke.  
  
When Sasuke got outside, he found that finding a clothes stall in the market with some normal, plains clothes was very hard. And he wasn't sure if he even had enough money.  
  
He was a bit confused though. Everywhere he went, people would be saying very odd things to him. It ranged from "Good going, Sasuke!" to "Oh, so you two _finally_ got together!" to "Oh my! Thank the yaoi gods!" He just attributed this to everyone in Konoha being crazy though.  
  
"Oi! Sasuke!" He looked behind him and was about to punch the person if they were going to say something weird again. But it was only Tsunade. He got his hands ready to do a fireball if necessary.

She stopped her brisk run in front of him and smirked. "Nice clothes, kid. Did you steal them from Naruto or did you just pick up the wrong set from the floor?"  
  
"What?!" He didn't even really know what that meant!  
  
"Ah…I mean…guess where you'll be staying!"  
  
"An empty apartment?"  
  
"Well…sorta…"  
  
"What do you mean by sorta?" He really didn't like the sound of that.  
  
But then again, this was Tsunade. She could pull anything.  
  
"You'll be staying with…"  
  
End Part II  
  
And no, it's not Naruto. Not really anyway. Anyway, thanks to **ghostninja85**, **Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**, **Inori-Sakura**, **Alriadne** (somehow, I want to use those quotes sometime in my life in a fic XD), **LittleDarkOne**, **kisaru**, **duenna**, **Mister Pineapple** (glad you like! I love your fic Vogue and Eclipse also XD), **izumi**, **Angl**, **Bealmira**, **fantasylover12001**, **crazy DOOM kitten** (I think Naruto and Sasuke would love a closet XD Perhaps I should add that in my "possibilities" list =P), **Dark Mimiru-Chan**, **Elly Stormrage**, **inu-chan 613**, **Jenniyah**, **Kutsu**, **twi5tedneko**, **Sugahlei**, **Yuen-chan**, **Tyrne J**, **Kyuubi-chan**, and most of all **Shirley** (Have fun in China, Ryu-chan, ya butt XD I guess you won't be around for this fic shiku shiku) for reviews . More randomness to come later. And eventually, the past plans of everyone else shall be revealed. XD


	3. Part III

Title: Masters of Going Nowhere  
Author: AznSage   
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.   
Pairings: Naruto/Sasuke (Probably in that order. Actually, I don't know.), minor pairings--i.e. Lee/Sakura, Shikamaru/Ino.  
Rating: PG-13   
Note: People, please read these notes. These are kinda important so that people don't ask me stupid questions in the reviews, okay? 1) They're nineteen. 2) This is one crack and isn't supposed to make sense because it's my crack outlet. Thank you. /bows/  
  
"…Naruto!"  
  
"What?! I'm staying with Naruto?!"  
  
"Oh, no, I was just acting surprised 'cause he showed up behind you." She pointed behind Sasuke and waved to the aforementioned blond in greeting. "Whaddaya want, brat?"  
  
"Shut up, hag. I'm not here looking for you." He nodded his head towards Sasuke. "I'm looking for this bastard." He had obviously overcome his earlier bout of perversion, now returning to his normal self. At least as normal as he could get around Sasuke. As in…can-regularly-breathe normal. Or perhaps, can-act-like-he-isn't-attracted-to-him normal. You know. _Normal._  
  
"What do you want, dobe?" The childhood name had never lost its charm.  
  
"Ah, I just realized that the shorts you took were the ones I meant to take to the wash yesterday. But then we got wasted so I forgot." He scratched his head in embarrassment and pointed down in the crotch area. "There's a wee bit of a rice wine stain there…"  
  
Tsunade just laughed at what that really looked like.  
  
And Sasuke…went pink.  
  
"Damnit, Naruto! You should've told me that before I left your place!"  
  
The blond held up his hands defensively. "Well, it's kinda hard to when I'm distracted! Besides, what kinda moron runs up to someone and says that he has to borrow clothing!"  
  
"Well it's only because _someone_ destroyed my house and all my stuff in it!"  
  
"Look, I told you! That wasn't my fault!"  
  
"Oh yeah?!"  
  
"Yeah?!"  
  
"Boys, boys, please. There's a simple solution to this, really."  
  
"Oh?" Sasuke blinked at her, fury barely concealed behind his eyes.  
  
"Yes, of course! I'm Hokage after all, I have to have brilliant ideas!"  
  
"Really, you hag? Then what is it?"  
  
"Sasuke, please don't take this personally."  
  
Sasuke blinked at her, confused. "I'm sure I won't. Just spill it."  
  
"Well then, Sasuke…STRIP!"  
  
"WHAT?!" Both boys looked at her stupefied.  
  
"Well, if you take those dirty pants off, I can get you some spare pants from my office. I keep a whole wardrobe here since I live around here. The Hokage tower is only down the street, it'll be more convenient for you to go and change there."  
  
Sasuke pondered this for a moment and did indeed realize that was true. The closest person to the market was Lee and Neji. And, well, he didn't want to revisit the blue spandex of doom. No siree Bob! He was going to go for the Hokage tower on this one.

"Fine…not like I have any other choice. Not as close as that one anyway."  
  
"Great! Naruto, you can come along too so that Sasuke can give you your pants back."  
  
"…Right." Naruto made no comment as to how wrong that sounded.  
  
The trio strode purposefully towards the Hokage tower, the imminent pants change in mind of all three. Sasuke had been feeling self-conscious from wearing the embarrassingly stained pants and had kept very close behind Tsunade in the hopes of not attracting more attention than necessary. Tsunade had been madly grinning in front of the other two boys, her inner fangirl dancing around in joy. Naruto…just tried to think about having Sasuke strip twice in front of him in a day.  
  
Surprisingly, the walk had been fairly uneventful, minus one Shikamaru giving the trio an odd look, which quickly changed to dawning understanding, smirking, and then a thumbs-up to Naruto. When they arrived at the Hokage tower, Tsunade had run ahead to whisper something to Shizune, with which the younger apprentice reacted initially with surprise, then just with disapproving, then quickly to "oh well, I'll just leave you alone then." Tsunade seemed to be about to burst from laughter.  
  
The older woman ushered the two into her apartment, situated within the Hokage tower just adjacent to her office. She had found it more convenient rather than commuting everyday. She was a lazy one, after all.  
  
She turned around and grinned at the two men at her door and devilishly clapped her hands together, suppressing a smirk the whole way through. "Alright, Sasuke! You have a choice of girl pants or guy pants!"  
  
"Well, obviously, guy pants."  
  
"Well, that's too bad because I only have girl pants!" Before Sasuke could even protest at that, she had shoved him into the bathroom with several pairs of what appeared to be skirts and dresses more than pants. "It may be easier for you to be a girl if you wanna fit in some of them!" She shouted enthusiastically into the bathroom.  
  
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Sasuke just glared at the articles of clothing now piled on top of his arms.  
  
"Oh, and Sasuke, just wear them! I'm sure you're comfortable enough with your masculinity to wear women's clothing!"  
  
Sasuke just glared at the clothing some more.  
  
"Or are you not _man_ enough to wear them?" She said teasingly.  
  
Sasuke growled back at her. "Damnit! Of course I'm man enough!"  
  
"Then change into a woman and wear them! Oh, and I remind you, I'm very full-bodied, so you may have to use Naruto's Oiroke no Jutsu to make the clothes fit better!" She tried to stifle her laughter. Naruto was just a bit curious as to how Sasuke would look as a girl. Though, he bet the difference wouldn't be by much since he looked like a girl on a daily basis anyway. Though, to be honest, he was still curious as to how Sasuke would look like in Tsunade's old clothing.  
  
Inside the bathroom, Sasuke formed the familiar bon kyu bon combination of seals to perform Oiroke no Jutsu and quickly dressed. Slamming the door open, the brunet walked out confidently, not for one moment finding it odd that the heels and the old kimono was surprisingly comfortable. Yes, heels and an old kimono. It was the only thing he found that could fit him anyway.  
  
"Wow, I didn't know you could tie the obi on the kimono by yourself." Naruto blinked in surprise at the elegant image that female Sasuke made. It was quite exquisite. Like staring at a bad-tempered, ninja geisha. The blond quickly tried to suppress the drool that was waiting to come out by thinking of things like Gai-sensei's eyebrows.  
  
"Sasuke! You look so darling!" Tsunade ruffled his hair and patted him on the back whole heartedly. "Now give Naruto his pants back and you can be on your way now."  
  
Sasuke pushed away the thought of wanting to bite her hand for touching his hair and opted for glaring at her instead. "You know, you still didn't tell me who I was staying with." He suavely tossed Naruto's pants at him as he said this.  
  
"Ohhh yes. Right, well, you're staying with Kiba! Isn't he so nice as to volunteer?"  
  
Sasuke glared at her drolly. "I barely know Kiba."  
  
"Yeah, but he said something about how it'd be cool with him having you there anyway since Shino's around and he's used to living with the silent types already. Besides, he can't just leave a fellow ninja on the lurch like that when they've got no place to stay." She winked at him and grinned again. The amount of time this woman gave off that grin was actually beginning to scare Sasuke a bit. It gave chills down his spine, like he should be sneezing because someone was talking about him behind his back.  
  
"Right. Can I have the address please?"  
  
"Oh pah! Sasuke, you can have Naruto here lead you to Kiba's place! Save some time and paper! Besides, it's not like the brat has anything else to do…_right_?"  
  
Naruto really couldn't give her a response to that.  
  
"Great! Then you two can go off and run your little errands now! Hokage's office is closed now! Out out out!" She shoved the two of them out of her apartment, out of her office, and right back out into the street. The two just stared blankly at how they had ended out there so quickly again.  
  
"Right, so I think we should get a few things done before we go to Kiba's. First of all, I need to wash these pants. Second of all, we need to go buy new clothes for you."  
  
Sasuke glared at Naruto. "I'm not staying in these clothes longer than I have to."  
  
"So? We still have to run errands, Sasuke, errands!"  
  
"Shh! Not so loud! You want everyone to know it's me?!"  
  
"Well, parading around with a hot girlfriend isn't that bad of an idea…"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Nothing, nothing."  
  
Sasuke was, to say the least, quite peeved. He hated it when people did not tell him what they meant. "I'll solve your first errand easily!" He grabbed the pants in question, quickly doing a few seals, and then proceeded to…burn them.  
  
"Sasuke! Those were my pants!"  
  
"Damnit! I said not so loud!"  
  
"My pants…" Naruto woefully cried for the loss of his precious white shorts while Sasuke just stood there, looking more peeved than usual.  
  
"Fine fine, I'll buy you new pants later alright?"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"Yay! Sasuke's getting me new pants!" Naruto danced around Sasuke happily, not looking a bit like the nineteen year-old he was supposed to be. "Come on, let's go get your clothes first! Then we can go get my new pants!" The excited blond dragged female Sasuke through the stalls and pointed to all the clothes that he thought would fit Sasuke.  
  
"Too light."  
  
"Too wussy."  
  
"Too cute."  
  
"Too many animals."  
  
"Too flowerly."  
  
"Too loud."  
  
"Too…non-angsty."  
  
Naruto pouted after each time Sasuke shot down his pointed choices before they reached a stall with what Naruto thought was the perfect clothes for Sasuke.  
  
"…Naruto, these are whore's clothes."  
  
"Well, only if you think of it that way, but they are seriously quite fetching on you."  
  
Sasuke arched an eyebrow at him.  
  
"When you're a boy. _Boy_, Sasuke. If a boy wears this, it'll just look very rebel-ish. It fits your whole demeanor!"

"'Ch…I'm not paying for this kind of clothing."  
  
"Fine! Then I'll just buy them _for_ you, you bastard!" The blond hurricane wreaked havoc through the store and chose several articles of clothing for the ever-stubborn Sasuke. "I swear, you'll be wearing these by the end of the week!" He grinned cheekily at Sasuke.  
  
Sasuke looked at him pointedly, seriously doubting that. But he didn't say anything and proceeded to walk onto the next stall, Naruto and his new purchases soon in tow.  
  
The two soon reached a stall that fit Sasuke's usual tastes. Fairly normal clothing. Simple shirts and simple pants. He piled a bit of everything, not even looking twice and proceeded to the stall owner and asked for the price.  
  
However, as luck would have it, Sasuke realized he did not have any money. He had left his wallet in Naruto's pants…and well, we all know what happened to that. He sweatdropped.  
  
"Naruto…"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Can I borrow some yen?"  
  
Naruto smirked at him. "Ha! Like hell you will! You're gonna wear the clothes I got for you! You can wait until you get your next paycheck if you wanna buy some new ones! And you still owe me a pair of pants, you bastard!"  
  
"Damnit!" Sasuke wanted to tackle Naruto right there and strangle him.  
  
"Well, Sasuke_-chan_ since you don't have anything else you need to do, I suppose we can go to Kiba's now right?"  
  
Sasuke just glared and grumpily began to walk off.  
  
"Awww Sasuke, come one, don't feel bad! I'm sure your paycheck will come in later and you can get your generic clothing again! Oh! And Kiba lives this way, you moron!" Naruto tugged him in the opposite direction and ran with a moody, female Sasuke through town.  
  
By the time they got to Kiba's, Sasuke was sufficiently less pissed, remembering clearly that he could just borrow money from Sakura later to buy new clothes. But first, he had to get to Kiba's and change back into his original male form. Naruto was still grinning at him insanely when he knocked on Kiba's apartment door.  
  
"Coming, coming! Geez…hold yer kibble!" The door swung open, and Kiba grinned warmly at Naruto. "Hey! Naruto, my man! Who's the chick? Didja get us a stripper or something for when Sasuke comes later so that we can party down?" He grinned lecherously at the "stripper" in question and reached out to grope her. "Hey, she's pretty well endowed, man! Where'd you…"  
  
Before Kiba could say another word, Sasuke had kneed him in the groin.  
  
"Uh…actually Kiba, this is Sasuke." Naruto buried his face in his hands and shook his head quietly. That had looked quite painful.  
  
Sasuke just wordlessly stepped over the body of Kiba and shook his head. He nodded at Shino in greeting and took the bag of clothing from Naruto, easily locating the bathroom and slamming it shut.  
  
"Damn…that hurt."  
  
"No SHIT, Kiba! That was Sasuke, you idiot!"  
  
"Ow…"  
  
"Damnit! Look! But. _Don't._ Touch!" Naruto practically bit Kiba's head off for that stunt.  
  
"You know the walls are almost paper-thin, you may not want to scream that so loudly, Naruto." Shino pointed out helpfully.  
  
The blond fumed. "I swear, Kiba, I'm going to get you back for that stunt." He stomped out of the apartment and slammed the door behind him.  
  
Kiba groaned in pain. Sasuke was living with him, looking quite peeved. And now Naruto was quite annoyed with him as well. The situation did not bode well for the dog ninja. So there's really only one thing to say at these times.  
  
"Aw fuck."  
  
End Part III  
  
Right...so next chapter is Sasuke trying to deal with living with Kiba and Shino. And he's actually going to stay here for a bit, so don't think I'm going to relocate Sasuke every single time, that's just too troublesome. --() And Sakura's regular bet with Naruto will come to light next chapter too ;P  
  
Thanks to reviews from **Shirley** /glomps the Ryu-chan/, **Kyuubi-chan**, **LittleDarkOne**, **ghostninja85**, **Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**, **Kutsu**, **Dark Mimiru-Chan**, **inu-chan 613**, **sTaR SNipEr**, **sarahchan**, **Saiera**, **Kamikakushi**, **Yaoilover S**, **Yuen-chan**, **baka-m3-l33t**, **Shades Of Hades**, **Dream Fox**, **The La/=/er**, **ayame0**, and **Shigure's lover**.  
  
This will probably be the last update in a while since I'm leaving for Hong Kong (and then coming back for Otakon) on Tuesday and had promised myself to work on another fic before I leave. Besides, I lack the usual crack that I have when certain people are around. /sweatdrop/ So, telling everyone this in advanced, there will be no new chapter until after August 1st because I'm going on my vacation soon! Bwahah!


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